What now?

What now indeed.

I come come to the realisation that I am not happy. Now, I know that seems like the kind of thing that should be blatantly obvious, but funnily enough, its taken me a good few weeks to realise that its not just a mood swing...that I genuinely am not a happy chappy. I can still be when I need to be - at work and so on, but under it all I just want to cry. And sleep.

I have no idea what I want to do with my life! I haven't been enjoying either of my jobs recently....the Parrot seems to have lost some of its atmosphere (other staff have noticed this too), and quite frankly I haven't had a pleasant shift there in weeks. Saying that, last night I was left in charge of the wedding, and it was an excellent night. I was told that it had been noticed that I enjoy doing the weddings, so I'm considering asking Lucinda for a more active role in the functions. For a few years I've considered the idea of events management - specifically weddings and the like. So perhaps that's where I should focus.

Here at the garden, life is rather dull. I fully appreciate everything Hannah has done for me - I truly feel like the past year has been an extension of my degree. But, as I said in my previous post, it really isn't where my heart lies. And I get so bloody bored. Even though I like vegging out at home, I hate not being proactive at work. Which, I think, is why I've stuck at the pub for so long - there's always something to do or someone to talk to. I can go for hours with out saying a single word here, and for a chatterbox like me its practically painful!

So, attempting to be proactive, I have written a to do list. Everything from chose a new colour for my bedroom to chose a direction for my life! I have a short list;

• Do an MA (but of course I need to decide what in)
• Do a cookery course (intermediate to advanced, possibly in Italy)
• Event management
• Voluntary work abroad (possibly in the jungle in Borneo)
• Photography
• Modelling (I know....but people have said I aught to send off my photoshoot photos)

Of course, there's always writing my book...although recent events have been more funny-tragic than funny-haha. But perhaps that's just my current state of mind. One thing is for sure though, nothing ever happens as one might expect.

And yes, that was a very equivocal last statement......